Ah there’s a bomb which hit my ship hard . My fellow sailors fell out and so did I . Luckily I knew how to swim so escaped to the shore. Clutching to my leg which was bleeding badly I saw my submarine sink and a German Ju 88s flying over it examining the remained of the crew members. Suddenly, a white engine came out and there it was our engine it had been blown up. Painfully, I crossed River Thames seeing the dead bodies floating with blood and mud on their faces fishes coming to gobble them up.
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I liked how you used fronted adverbials for nearly every sentence, just make sure you don’t use too many. I also liked how you described how the character felt. What I think you need to improve on is that you have to put more details in the sentences to make it sound more interesting.
The story was great, but at the end you needed to work on punctuation.
Other than that, It’s great!
The story had lots of things that were great, and is also very exciting, but at the end you could improve the punctuation.
Other than that, It’s great!